Your mom just called for the third time today. You ignored it. Again. Too busy. Too stressed. Too tired to deal with whatever she wants to talk about. She’ll understand, right? She always does.
Meanwhile, your 8-year-old daughter asked you to help with her homework two hours ago. You said “in a minute” and went back to your phone. She’s in bed now, still waiting for that minute that never came.
You’re stuck between two generations—parents above you expecting respect and care, children below you needing guidance and attention. You’re failing both. You know it. They know it. And deep down, you know Islam has something to say about this mess you’re in.
Let me tell you something that will either comfort you or terrify you: Islam established a detailed system of reciprocal rights and responsibilities between parents and children 1,400 years ago that modern psychology is only now discovering works. But here’s the catch—it requires you to actually fulfill your obligations on both ends. No excuses. No “I’m too busy.” No “they’ll understand.”
Paradise Under Her Feet (But It’s Not One-Sided)
Everyone knows the famous hadith. A man came to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) and asked who deserves his best companionship. According to the authentic narration recorded by Imam al-Bukhari in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5971, and by Imam Muslim in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2548, the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?” The Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Your mother.” He asked again: “Then who?” The Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Your mother.” The man asked a fourth time: “Then who?” Only then did the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) say: “Your father.”
Three times mother. Once father. That’s the hierarchy. Islamic scholars throughout history have explained this emphasis reflects the immense sacrifice mothers make—nine months of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth, years of nursing and care, the physical and emotional investment that fathers, despite their importance, simply don’t experience in the same way.
Another narration documents how the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said as recorded in authentic collections: “Paradise lies under the feet of mothers.” Not next to them. Not near them. Under their feet—meaning the path to Paradise requires passing through honoring your mother.
Allah ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) Himself commanded this in the Quran:
[Surah Al-Isra, 17:23-24]
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.'”
Notice what’s prohibited: saying “uff”—the Arabic equivalent of an annoyed sigh or “ugh.” Not hitting them. Not cursing them. Just expressing annoyance. Even that tiny sound of irritation is forbidden. That’s the standard. That’s how seriously Islam takes parental rights.
But here’s what gets ignored in most lectures about respecting parents: the verse doesn’t exist in isolation. The same Quran that commands children to respect parents also commands parents to fulfill their children’s rights. Islam isn’t one-sided. It’s balanced. It’s reciprocal. It’s a two-way street that most families are treating like a one-way highway.
What Your Parents Actually Owe You
Let’s talk about what nobody discusses enough. Your parents aren’t just entitled to respect because they gave birth to you. They earn that respect by fulfilling their obligations to you—obligations Islam established long before modern child protection laws existed.
They owe you a good name. According to Islamic teachings documented by scholars throughout history, choosing a meaningful, respectable name for your child is the parent’s first obligation. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) even changed people’s names when they were degrading. This isn’t trivial—your name is your identity. Your parents’ first act of love should be giving you a name that honors you.
They owe you proper Islamic education. Not just sending you to Sunday school and calling it done. According to a hadith narrated by Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) and recorded in authentic collections, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever has a child should give him a good name and teach him when he reaches the age of seven years.”
This means teaching you to pray, to read Quran, to understand halal and haram, to know your Creator. Parents who raise children in complete ignorance of Islam, who never teach them to pray, who don’t model Islamic character—they’ve failed their primary duty. And on the Day of Judgment, those children will point at their parents and say: “You never taught me. You never showed me. How was I supposed to know?”
They owe you fair and equal treatment. In an authentic hadith recorded by Imam al-Bukhari in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2587, and by Imam Muslim in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, a man named Bashir ibn Sa’d (may Allah be pleased with him) gave a gift to one of his sons but not the others. When his wife told him to have the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) witness this, the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) asked: “Did you give the same to all your children?” When Bashir said no, the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Fear Allah and be just to your children.” Then he refused to be a witness to this injustice.
That favoritism you experienced growing up? That constant comparison to your sibling? That feeling that your parents loved your brother or sister more? Islam forbids it. Your parents violated your rights. Not cultural norms. Not family traditions. Your Islamic rights.
They owe you physical and emotional care. According to narrations preserved in Islamic literature including those in Sahih al-Bukhari, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) was once seen kissing his grandchildren Hassan and Hussein (may Allah be pleased with them both). A man present said: “I have ten children and have never kissed any of them.” The Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) responded: “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”
Physical affection. Emotional warmth. Expressing love. These aren’t optional extras in Islamic parenting—they’re obligations. Parents who raise children in cold, harsh environments where affection is withheld and only criticism is given are violating Islamic principles of parenting that the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) modeled himself.
They owe you protection from harm. Allah ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) commands parents directly:
[Surah At-Tahrim, 66:6]
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.”
Protecting you from Hellfire means teaching you Islam, preventing you from falling into major sins, creating a home environment where faith can grow. Parents who expose children to haram constantly, who allow unrestricted internet access without monitoring, who don’t care what their kids watch or who they befriend—they’re failing this fundamental duty.
What You Actually Owe Your Parents
Now flip the script. Because your parents’ failures don’t erase your obligations. Even if they didn’t fulfill all their duties, even if they made mistakes, even if they weren’t perfect—you still owe them.
You owe them respect at all times. Even when they’re wrong. Even when they’re difficult. Even when they’re old and demanding and exhausting. That “uff” is still forbidden. Raising your voice is still prohibited. Rolling your eyes, that dismissive tone, that exasperated sigh—all of it violates their rights.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a hadith recorded by Imam at-Tirmidhi in Jami’ at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1899: “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced!” Someone asked: “Who, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “The one who sees either or both of his parents reach old age and does not enter Paradise because of them.”
Three times “may he be disgraced”—that’s how serious this is. You have elderly parents and you’re not using that opportunity to earn Paradise through serving them? You’re disgraced. That’s not my word. That’s the Prophet’s ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) assessment.
You owe them financial support when they need it. According to Islamic law documented across all major schools of jurisprudence, if your parents are in financial need and you have the means, supporting them is obligatory—not optional charity. It comes before giving sadaqah to others. It comes before expanding your own lifestyle. Your parents’ needs are your responsibility.
You owe them obedience in what is lawful. Key word: lawful. You obey them in everything that doesn’t contradict Islam. If they tell you to pray, you obey. If they tell you to dress modestly, you obey. If they tell you to stop a haram relationship, you obey. But if they tell you to miss prayer for their convenience, you don’t obey. If they tell you to commit sin, you don’t obey. If they tell you not to wear hijab, you don’t obey.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said clearly in a hadith recorded in multiple authentic collections: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”
You owe them dua even after they die. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said in an authentic hadith recorded by Imam Muslim in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1631: “When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge from which benefit is gained, or a righteous child who prays for him.”
Your parents’ only hope after death is your dua. Those prayers you make for them in the last third of the night. That sadaqah you give on their behalf. That Quran you recite asking Allah ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) to reward them. This continues until your own death. Your obligation to them doesn’t end when they’re buried.
When Your Parents Weren’t Good Parents
Here’s the hard question: what if your parents abused you? What if they neglected you? What if they were absent, or cruel, or they committed major sins against you? Do you still owe them?
Yes. But not unlimited obedience. Not acceptance of abuse. Not pretending everything was fine.
Islamic scholars throughout history have been clear: respect doesn’t mean tolerating ongoing harm. You can honor your parents while maintaining boundaries. You can fulfill your obligations while protecting yourself from their toxicity. You can make dua for them while limiting contact to what’s healthy.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said in an authentic hadith: “There is no obedience in sin.” If your parents demand something that harms your deen or your wellbeing, you respectfully decline. But you decline with respect—not with cursing, not with revenge, not with cutting them off completely unless absolutely necessary for your safety.
Many Muslim children carry trauma from parents who confused cultural harshness with Islamic discipline. Who hit excessively. Who used religion to control rather than guide. Who created homes of fear instead of homes of love. That trauma is real. That pain is valid. And Islam gives you permission to heal, to set boundaries, to protect yourself.
But it also calls you to forgiveness when possible. To patience despite the pain. To breaking cycles of dysfunction rather than perpetuating them. To being the parent to your own children that you wished you had.
The Rights Your Children Have That You’re Ignoring
Let’s get personal. You’re so focused on whether you’re fulfilling your duty to your parents that you’re completely neglecting your duty to your children. That’s most Muslims today—stuck in the middle, failing upward and downward simultaneously.
Your children have the right to your time. Not your money. Your time. According to the example of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) documented across authentic sources, he would play with children, carry them on his shoulders, let them climb on his back during prostration in prayer, shorten his prayers if he heard a baby crying. He made time for them despite leading an entire nation.
You? You’re too busy scrolling to read them a bedtime story. Too tired to help with homework. Too distracted to actually listen when they tell you about their day. You provide financially—congratulations, that’s literally the bare minimum. But you’re raising strangers in your own home because you never gave them the one thing they actually need: you.
Your children have the right to see Islam lived, not just preached. You tell them to pray but they’ve never seen you wake up for Tahajjud. You tell them to be honest but they’ve heard you lie on the phone. You tell them to control their anger but they’ve watched you explode. You tell them to respect their mother but they’ve heard you disrespect yours.
Children learn from what they see more than what they hear. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said in an authentic hadith: “Every child is born in a state of fitrah (natural inclination toward Islam), but his parents make him a Jew, a Christian, or a Zoroastrian.”
Your children’s Islam or lack thereof will largely be determined by what you showed them at home. That’s terrifying. That’s your responsibility. That’s the trust Allah ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) placed in your hands.
Your children have the right to your dua. You make dua for everything else—your job, your health, your car, your investments. When was the last time you made sincere, prolonged dua for your children’s guidance? For their protection? For their faith to be strong? For them to be among the righteous?
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) would make specific duas for children. When Hassan and Hussein (may Allah be pleased with them both) were young, he would recite the words of protection that Prophet Ibrahim ﷺ (peace be upon him) used to say for his children. That’s the sunnah—actively seeking Allah’s ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) protection for your offspring.
The Balance Nobody Teaches You
Here’s what makes this entire system work: reciprocity. When parents fulfill their duties with love and proper Islamic guidance, children naturally want to honor them. When children show respect and care, parents feel motivated to give even more. It’s a beautiful cycle that most families have broken.
You can’t demand respect from your children if you never showed them love. You can’t expect them to care for you in old age if you neglected them in youth. And children—you can’t justify cutting off your parents just because they made parenting mistakes when you’re making the same mistakes with your own kids.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a hadith recorded by Imam Ahmad: “Be dutiful to your parents and your children will be dutiful to you.” It’s a cycle. Break the cycle of dysfunction. Start the cycle of righteousness. With whichever generation you can influence—start there.
Your mom’s missed call is still on your screen. Your daughter is asleep, homework still undone. You’ve read about obligations you’re not fulfilling in both directions.
Here’s what you do: Tomorrow morning, you call your mom back. Not because you have to. Because you want to fix this. You apologize for ignoring her. You ask about her day. You actually listen. You schedule a regular time to talk. You commit.
Then you wake your daughter up gently. You apologize for being too busy yesterday. You help her with homework before school. You ask about her life. You pray together. You start being present. You commit.
Both matter. Both are obligations. Both are tests you’re currently failing. But both are still within your power to fix.
The question isn’t whether you have time. You do—you waste hours daily on things that don’t matter. The question is whether you’ll prioritize what Islam prioritized: the sacred bonds of family that Allah ﷻ (Glorified and Exalted be He) will question you about on a Day when excuses won’t work.
Your parents won’t live forever. Your children won’t stay young forever. The window to fulfill these obligations is closing. Don’t let it close while you’re still scrolling.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes. Readers should consult qualified Islamic scholars for specific religious rulings and personal guidance, especially regarding complex family situations requiring nuanced understanding.
Regards for helping out, wonderful information.
Happy to help! Thanks for dropping in.