The Foundation of a Blessed Family
In our modern world, many parents struggle to raise well-behaved children. They wonder why their efforts seem to fail and why children become distant or rebellious. Islam provides clear guidance on this matter, teaching us that righteous families begin with righteous choices. The path to well-behaved children starts long before they are born – it begins with choosing the right spouse.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us that “This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife”. This profound statement reveals a fundamental truth: the foundation of a blessed family lies in making the right choice in marriage. From this blessed union, and through dedicated time and attention, righteous offspring emerge who become the comfort of their parents’ eyes.
Let us explore the Islamic perspective on building strong families, drawing wisdom from the stories of the Prophets and the teachings of the Quran and authentic Hadith. We will discover how the choices we make in marriage and the time we invest in our children create a legacy that benefits us in this world and the hereafter.
The Wisdom of Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH): Choosing the Right Spouse
The Story of Prophet Ismail’s First Marriage
The story of Prophet Ismail (PBUH) and his marriages provides profound lessons about the importance of choosing a righteous spouse. After the death of his mother Hajar (RA), Prophet Ismail (PBUH) married a woman from the Jurhum tribe. When Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) came to visit his son, he found only the wife at home.
Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) asked her about their living conditions. Instead of showing gratitude to Allah, she complained bitterly about their hardships. She expressed dissatisfaction with their simple life and showed no appreciation for Allah’s blessings. This response revealed her character – one lacking in patience, gratitude, and contentment.
Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) left a message: “When your husband returns, convey my greetings to him and tell him to change the threshold of his house”. When Prophet Ismail (PBUH) returned and heard this message, he immediately understood. “That was my father, and he has ordered me to divorce you,” he told his wife.
The Blessing of a Righteous Second Wife
Prophet Ismail (PBUH) then married another woman from the same tribe. When Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) visited again, he met this new wife. This time, when asked about their living conditions, she expressed gratitude to Allah and spoke positively about their blessings. She offered hospitality and showed the character of a righteous woman.
Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) was pleased and left the message: “Tell your husband to keep the threshold of his house firmly in place”. This meant that Prophet Ismail (PBUH) should remain with this righteous wife. From this blessed marriage came the lineage that would eventually lead to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
Lessons for Modern Families
This story teaches us that a righteous spouse is the foundation of a righteous family 3. The Quran describes righteous women: “So righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard” – “Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 34”. A pious spouse brings blessings, gratitude, and positive energy to the household.
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّ ٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَاۤءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضࣲ وَبِمَاۤ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنۡ أَمۡوَ ٰلِهِمۡۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتࣱ لِّلۡغَیۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِی تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِی ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَكُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُوا۟ عَلَیۡهِنَّ سَبِیلًاۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِیࣰّا كَبِیرࣰا
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
[4:34]
Modern Muslims must understand that choosing a spouse based on wealth, beauty, or social status alone is insufficient. A righteous spouse becomes a partner in worship, child-rearing, and building a home that pleases Allah.
The Sacred Bond of Parent and Child: Lessons from Prophet Yaqoob (PBUH)
A Father’s Love and Trust
The relationship between Prophet Yaqoob (PBUH) and his son Prophet Yusuf (PBUH) demonstrates the beauty of Islamic parent-child relationships. When Prophet Yusuf (PBUH) was just seven years old, he shared his dream with his father. “O my father! Verily, I saw (in a dream) eleven stars and the sun and the moon – I saw them prostrating themselves to me” – “Surah Yusuf, Ayah 4”.
إِذۡ قَالَ یُوسُفُ لِأَبِیهِ یَـٰۤأَبَتِ إِنِّی رَأَیۡتُ أَحَدَ عَشَرَ كَوۡكَبࣰا وَٱلشَّمۡسَ وَٱلۡقَمَرَ رَأَیۡتُهُمۡ لِی سَـٰجِدِینَ
[Of these stories mention] when Joseph said to his father, “O my father, indeed I have seen [in a dream] eleven stars and the sun and the moon; I saw them prostrating to me.”
[12:4]
This verse shows us something beautiful: the child felt comfortable approaching his father. Prophet Yusuf (PBUH) trusted his father enough to share his innermost thoughts and dreams. This trust didn’t develop overnight – it was built through consistent love, attention, and availability.
A Father’s Wisdom and Protection
Prophet Yaqoob (PBUH) responded with wisdom and care. He advised his son: “O my son! Relate not your vision to your brothers, lest they should arrange a plot against you” – “Surah Yusuf, Ayah 5”. This shows how a loving father guides and protects his child.
قَالَ یَـٰبُنَیَّ لَا تَقۡصُصۡ رُءۡیَاكَ عَلَىٰۤ إِخۡوَتِكَ فَیَكِیدُوا۟ لَكَ كَیۡدًاۖ إِنَّ ٱلشَّیۡطَـٰنَ لِلۡإِنسَـٰنِ عَدُوࣱّ مُّبِینࣱ
He said, “O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy.
[12:5]
Throughout the trials that followed, Prophet Yaqoob (PBUH) demonstrated unwavering love for his children. Even when he lost Prophet Yusuf (PBUH) and later faced the possibility of losing Binyamin, his heart remained connected to his children. His love was not weakness but strength rooted in faith.
The Power of Parental Dua
Prophet Yaqoob’s (PBUH) prayers for his children teach us about the power of parental supplication. When facing difficulties, he turned to Allah with beautiful duas. The Quran records his heartfelt prayers, showing us that righteous parents constantly seek Allah’s guidance and protection for their children.
The Sacrifice of Hajar (RA): A Mother’s Trust and Allah’s Reward
The Ultimate Test of Faith
The story of Hajar (RA) and her baby Ismail (PBUH) in the desert of Makkah demonstrates the heights of parental sacrifice and trust in Allah. When Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) left them in the barren valley by Allah’s command, Hajar (RA) asked him if this was Allah’s order. When he confirmed it was, she said: “Then Allah will not let us perish”.
This response shows the character of a truly righteous spouse and mother. Instead of complaining or despairing, she placed her complete trust in Allah. Her faith was so strong that she accepted this test with patience and hope.
A Mother’s Efforts and Allah’s Mercy
When their water ran out and baby Ismail (PBUH) was crying from thirst, Hajar (RA) did not sit in despair. She ran between the hills of Safa and Marwa seven times, searching for help. Her efforts showed both human responsibility and complete reliance on Allah.
Allah rewarded her trust and efforts by causing the spring of Zamzam to flow. This blessed water continues to flow today, and the act of running between Safa and Marwa became a mandatory part of Hajj and Umrah. Allah honored her sacrifice by making it an eternal part of Islamic worship.
Lessons for Modern Parents
Hajar’s (RA) story teaches modern parents several crucial lessons. First, true faith means trusting Allah even in the most difficult circumstances. Second, parents must make effort while maintaining complete trust in Allah. Third, Allah rewards those who sacrifice for their families with blessings that extend far beyond their imagination.
The Islamic Obligation: Giving Children Their Rights
The Responsibility of Guardianship
Islam places tremendous responsibility on parents regarding their children. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for his subjects” – Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7138. This means parents will be questioned by Allah about how they raised their children.
The Quran emphasizes this responsibility: “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire whose fuel is men and stones” – “Surah At-Tahrim, Ayah 6” . This verse shows that parents must actively work to protect their children from spiritual and moral harm.
The Right to Time and Attention
Children have the right to receive proper time and attention from their parents. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) demonstrated this through his own interactions with children. He would play with them, listen to them, and show them love and affection. When a companion said he had never kissed his children, the Prophet (PBUH) responded: “God will not have mercy on a person who does not have mercy on others”.
Islam teaches that providing financial support alone is insufficient. Children need emotional support, guidance, and the physical presence of their parents. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend” – Abu Dawud, Hadith 1692, but this spending includes time, attention, and emotional investment.
Building Strong Relationships
Strong parent-child relationships don’t happen automatically. They require consistent effort, communication, and understanding. Parents must be approachable, like Prophet Yaqoob (PBUH), so children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. This requires putting aside distractions and giving children focused attention.
The Quran guides us to treat children with kindness while maintaining proper guidance. “No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child” – “Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 233”. This means parenting should be a source of joy and blessing, not conflict and harm.
Modern Challenges: Technology and Family Bonds
The Digital Dilemma
In today’s world, many parents face new challenges that previous generations never encountered. Technology, while beneficial in many ways, has created significant obstacles to healthy family relationships. Children spend hours on phones, tablets, and computers, often replacing real human interaction with digital entertainment.
Research shows that excessive screen time can cause hyperactivity, tantrums, and difficulties in social interaction. More concerning for Muslim families is that uncontrolled internet access exposes children to content that contradicts Islamic values. Many parents give children devices to keep them quiet, not realizing they are missing precious opportunities to build relationships.
The Islamic Response to Modern Challenges
Islam provides guidance for addressing these modern challenges. The principle of balance, which runs throughout Islamic teachings, applies here as well. Technology should serve the family, not replace family relationships. Parents must take active control of their children’s media consumption and ensure it aligns with Islamic values.
The quality of time spent with children matters more than the quantity. Islamic parenting emphasizes being present, engaged, and emotionally available. When parents give their full attention to children – listening to their concerns, teaching them about Islam, and sharing activities together – they build bonds that last a lifetime.
Creating Islamic Family Culture
Muslim families must consciously create a culture that prioritizes relationships over technology. This means establishing family prayer times, sharing meals together, telling Islamic stories, and engaging in activities that strengthen bonds. The Quran emphasizes: “And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring those who will be the comfort of our eyes” – “Surah Al-Furqaan, Ayah 74”.
Parents should model the behavior they want to see in their children. If parents are constantly on their phones, children will imitate this behavior. Instead, parents should demonstrate how to use technology wisely while prioritizing human relationships and spiritual growth.
The Investment That Never Loses: Time with Family
Understanding the True Value
Many parents today focus intensely on providing material wealth for their children while neglecting the most valuable gift they can offer: their time and attention. Islam teaches us that time spent building relationships with family is an investment that pays dividends in this world and the hereafter. Unlike material possessions, which can be lost or destroyed, the bonds we build with our children through quality time become a source of permanent blessing.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized the importance of family relationships throughout his life. He spent time with his family, participated in household activities, and showed affection to children. This example demonstrates that even the busiest and most important person in Islamic history prioritized family time.
The Ripple Effect of Quality Time
When parents invest time in their children, the benefits extend far beyond the immediate family. Children who receive proper attention and guidance from their parents are more likely to become righteous adults who contribute positively to society. They carry forward the values and lessons learned at home, creating a positive cycle that benefits future generations.
The time parents invest in their children today determines the character of tomorrow’s Ummah. Every moment spent teaching Islamic values, answering questions, playing together, or simply being present builds the foundation for a more righteous community. This is why the Prophet (PBUH) emphasized that “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock”.
The Eternal Reward
Islam teaches that the good we do for our families continues to benefit us even after death. When children grow up to be righteous due to their parents’ proper upbringing, their good deeds become a source of ongoing reward for their parents. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said that when a person dies, their deeds end except for three things, one of which is “a righteous child who prays for them”.
This means that time invested in raising righteous children is actually an investment in our own eternal success. Parents who sacrifice their time and energy to properly guide their children are essentially building their own paradise. The duas of righteous children, their good deeds, and the positive impact they have on others all become rewards for parents who invested in them properly.
Practical Steps for Building Strong Islamic Families
Choosing the Right Spouse
For those still unmarried, the first step toward building a righteous family is choosing a spouse based on Islamic criteria. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) advised looking for four qualities in a potential spouse: wealth, lineage, beauty, and religious commitment, and he emphasized: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed”. A pious spouse will be a partner in raising children according to Islamic values.
Young Muslims should prioritize finding someone who shares their commitment to Islam and family values. This doesn’t mean other factors are unimportant, but religious commitment should be the foundation. A righteous spouse will support efforts to create an Islamic home environment and raise children properly.
Establishing Family Routines
Successful Islamic families establish routines that prioritize relationships and spiritual growth. This includes regular family prayer times, shared meals, and designated periods for Islamic education. These routines create stability and ensure that family bonding happens consistently rather than randomly.
Parents should create device-free zones and times in their homes. This might mean no phones during family meals, dedicated homework time without distractions, or evening periods reserved for family conversation and Islamic learning. Such boundaries help ensure that technology serves the family rather than dividing it.
Active Parenting Strategies
Islamic parenting requires active engagement, not passive supervision. Parents must regularly communicate with their children, understand their concerns, and provide guidance based on Islamic principles. This means being emotionally available and creating an environment where children feel comfortable approaching their parents with any issue.
Regular one-on-one time with each child helps build individual relationships and address specific needs. Parents should also engage in activities that children enjoy while incorporating Islamic values. This might include sports, arts and crafts, cooking, or outdoor activities that become opportunities for bonding and teaching.
The Fruits of Righteous Families
Well-Behaved Children as Natural Outcome
When families are built on the foundation of a righteous marriage and nurtured through consistent investment of time and attention, well-behaved children emerge naturally. These children don’t behave properly out of fear or external pressure, but because they have internalized Islamic values through loving guidance. They respect their parents, understand their responsibilities, and want to please Allah.
Such children become a source of joy and comfort for their parents. The Quran describes them as “the comfort of our eyes”, meaning they bring happiness and satisfaction to their parents’ hearts. This comfort extends beyond childhood into adulthood, as these children continue to honor their parents and carry forward Islamic values.
The Community Impact
Righteous families produce children who contribute positively to the broader Muslim community. These young people become leaders, scholars, and role models who help build a stronger Ummah. They understand the importance of family values and continue the cycle by establishing their own righteous families.
The investment one family makes in proper child-rearing benefits the entire community. Well-behaved children grow up to be responsible citizens, good neighbors, and positive influences on their peers. They understand their obligations to society and work to fulfill them according to Islamic principles.
The Eternal Legacy
Perhaps most importantly, righteous families create a legacy that extends far beyond this world. The prayers, good deeds, and positive influence of well-raised children continue to benefit their parents even after death. Children who were properly guided often dedicate their own good works to their deceased parents, creating a continuous stream of reward.
This eternal benefit is mentioned in the Quran: “And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith – We will join their descendants with them, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds” – “Surah At-Tur, Ayah 21” . This verse shows that righteous families are reunited in paradise, making the effort invested in this world worthwhile for eternity.
Conclusion: The Path Forward
The wisdom of Islam provides clear guidance for building righteous families that produce well-behaved, God-fearing children. This path begins with choosing a righteous spouse based on Islamic criteria rather than worldly considerations alone.
Once this foundation is established, parents must invest their most precious resource – time – in building relationships with their children. This means being present, engaged, and emotionally available, rather than relying on technology to occupy children while parents pursue other activities.
In our modern world, Muslim families face unique challenges from technology and changing social norms. However, the principles of Islam remain constant and provide the guidance needed to navigate these challenges successfully. By prioritizing family relationships, establishing Islamic routines, and actively engaging in child-rearing, parents can raise children who become the comfort of their eyes in this world and a source of eternal reward in the hereafter.
The time we invest in our families today determines not only the happiness of our children but also our own success in this world and the next. May Allah guide all Muslim families to follow this blessed path and grant them righteous offspring who bring them joy in this world and intercede for them in the hereafter.
