You scroll through your contacts. Hundreds of numbers. Dozens of people who’d show up to your birthday party. But when you’re lying awake with that crushing weight in your chest—the one that whispers you’re not good enough, that you’re falling behind, that you’re losing yourself—who do you call?
Nobody.
Because somewhere along the way, you confused being popular with having real friends. You thought the problem was you weren’t funny enough, outgoing enough, interesting enough. So you bent. You laughed at jokes that made you uncomfortable. You skipped Fajr to hang out. You dimmed your light so others wouldn’t feel outshined.
And you still feel alone.
Here’s what nobody’s telling you: The problem isn’t your personality. It’s your values. Or more specifically, according to Islamic teachings on companionship documented across centuries of scholarship, it’s that you’re trying to build friendships on everything except values.
The Lie We’ve All Believed
We’ve been sold a lie. The world tells us friends are people who make us laugh, who are there for the fun times, who boost our social media presence. Islamic tradition, as taught by scholars and outlined in authentic sources, tells us something radically different.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said in a hadith documented in Sahih Bukhari (Book 34, Hadith 2101) and Sahih Muslim: “The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows. From the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.”
Think about that image. You don’t walk away from a musk seller unchanged—even if you don’t buy anything, you smell better. You carry that fragrance with you. Islamic scholars have explained this hadith to mean that a real friend makes you better just by being near them.
And the blacksmith? His fire might look impressive. Might even be useful for forging weapons and tools. But get too close and you’ll get burned. Or at the very least, according to this prophetic teaching, you’ll walk away smelling like smoke.
Your “friends” who pressure you to skip prayers? Blacksmith. The ones who make fun of you for lowering your gaze? Blacksmith. The ones who call you “too religious” when you try to grow? Blacksmith, blacksmith, blacksmith.
The Day You’ll Regret Your Friend List
Allah ﷻ doesn’t sugarcoat what’s coming. In Surah Al-Furqan, as interpreted by classical and contemporary Islamic scholars, He shows us exactly what friendship regret looks like on the Day of Judgment:
[Surah Al-Furqan, Ayah 27-29]
“And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, ‘Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter.'”
Read that again. Bite on his hands. Not figuratively. Literally gnawing on his own hands in anguish. That’s the level of regret we’re talking about.
And what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Not “I wish I had been richer.” Not “I wish I had been more successful.” It’s “I wish I hadn’t taken that person as a friend.”
Because that friend—the one who made religion seem boring, who normalized haram, who made you feel weird for caring—that friend redirected your entire trajectory. According to scholars who have reflected on this verse, you thought you were just having fun. You were actually being led away from the Remembrance that could have saved you.
You’re Following Your Friends More Than You Think
There’s a hadith that should terrify and liberate you at the same time. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said in a narration found in Sunan Abu Dawud (Hadith 4833), Jami’ at-Tirmidhi (Hadith 2378), and Musnad Ahmad: “A man follows the religion of his friend, so let each one of you look at whom he befriends.”
You follow the religion of your friend. Not just their habits. Their deen. Islamic scholars have emphasized that this means their entire way of life—their values, their priorities, their relationship with Allah ﷻ.
Look at your closest friends right now. Really look. Do they remind you of Allah ﷻ or distract you from Him? Do they make you want to pray or make you feel awkward about praying? When you’re with them, do you feel closer to Jannah or further from it?
Because here’s the uncomfortable truth documented in Islamic psychology and spiritual teachings: You’re becoming them. Slowly. Imperceptibly. Your jokes sound like their jokes. Your priorities shift to match theirs. The things you used to care about—really care about—start feeling less important.
You didn’t notice when you stopped caring about praying on time. You didn’t notice when you started rationalizing things you used to avoid. You didn’t notice because it happened one small compromise at a time, influenced by the people you spent the most time with.
The Friends You Need Versus The Friends You Want
Here’s where it gets real. The friends who will make you better often aren’t the ones who make you feel comfortable.
Allah ﷻ commands His Prophet Muhammad ﷺ—and by extension, all of us—in Surah Al-Kahf:
[Surah Al-Kahf, Ayah 28]
“And keep yourself patient with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His Face. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever in neglect.”
This verse is addressing the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. The best human who ever lived. And Allah ﷻ is telling him: Stay with the people who remember Me. Don’t let your eyes wander to the wealthy, the popular, the impressive ones if their hearts are heedless.
If the Prophet ﷺ needed this reminder, what does that tell you about us?
We’re attracted to the wrong things in friendships. We want the friend with the nice car, the one everyone knows, the one who gets invited to everything. Meanwhile, according to the wisdom embedded in this Quranic verse, the person who would actually remind us of our purpose—the one who prays on time, who guards their tongue, who lives with intention—we overlook them because they’re not “cool enough.”
Why You Keep Choosing Wrong
Let’s get uncomfortably specific. You keep choosing the wrong friends because you’re prioritizing the wrong things.
Scenario one: There’s someone at school or work who’s clearly trying to practice their deen. They dress modestly. They step away to pray. They don’t engage in gossip. And your first thought is “They’re too serious” or “They’re judging everyone.” So you gravitate toward the group that’s “more fun”—the ones who make you laugh but also make you compromise.
Scenario two: You’re invited to two gatherings on the same night. One is a religious circle where they’ll discuss Quran and hadith. The other is a party where you know haram things will happen, but “everyone’s going.” You convince yourself you’ll just stay for a bit, that you won’t participate in the bad stuff. Three hours later, you’re still there, and you missed Isha.
Scenario three: Your friend group plans something on Jummah that would require missing the prayer. One person suggests going after Jummah instead. Everyone groans. You want to agree with that person—you know it’s the right thing—but you stay silent because you don’t want to be “that guy.” So you miss Jummah. Again.
Scenario four: Someone corrects you gently about something Islamic. Instead of being grateful, you feel attacked. You vent to your other friends who tell you “Don’t worry about it, you’re fine, that person is just extreme.” You feel validated. You stop learning. You stop growing.
Scenario five: You have a friend who constantly talks about haram relationships, who shares inappropriate content, who makes fun of religious people. But they’ve been your friend since childhood, so you can’t just “abandon” them, right? Except they’re not abandoning you—they’re pulling you down, and you’re letting them because you’re confusing loyalty with enabling destruction.
Every single one of these scenarios comes down to the same thing: You’re choosing comfort over character. Popularity over principles. Social acceptance over spiritual growth.
And Islam is screaming at you to stop.
What Real Friendship Looks Like
A sahabi (may Allah be pleased with him) once asked the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ a question about companionship, and historical Islamic sources document that the Prophet ﷺ replied with a description that has guided Muslims for centuries: “One whose appearance reminds you of Allah, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”
That’s the standard. Not “Who makes me laugh the most?” Not “Who has the best connections?” But:
Does their appearance remind you of Allah ﷻ? Meaning, when you see them, do you think about deen? Do they carry themselves with dignity, modesty, God-consciousness?
Does their speech increase you in knowledge? Not just religious knowledge, but wisdom. Do conversations with them make you better, smarter, more aware? Or do you walk away feeling drained, confused, or guilty?
Do their actions remind you of the hereafter? When you watch how they live, are you inspired to improve? Do they make you want to be better? Or do they make you feel like trying hard is weird?
This is what we should be looking for, as emphasized by scholars of Islamic ethics throughout history. This is musk-seller friendship.
The Loneliness of Choosing Right
Let’s be honest about something nobody talks about: When you start choosing friends based on values instead of popularity, you might be lonely for a while.
That group you used to hang out with? You’ll realize you don’t fit anymore. Those parties you used to go to? They’ll feel empty now. That person everyone thinks is so cool? You’ll see through the facade.
And for a while—maybe weeks, maybe months—you’ll feel like you’re walking alone.
But here’s what Islam promises: When you isolate yourself from bad company for the sake of Allah ﷻ, He replaces it with something better. The story of the youth in the cave—Ashab al-Kahf—proves this. According to scholarly interpretations of Surah Al-Kahf, they left their entire community, their families, their comfortable lives because everyone around them was calling them to disbelief. They had each other, their values, and Allah ﷻ. That was enough.
Allah ﷻ says in Surah Al-Kahf (Ayah 16):
[Surah Al-Kahf, Ayah 16]
“And when you have withdrawn from them and that which they worship other than Allah, retreat to the cave. Your Lord will spread out for you of His mercy and will prepare for you facility from your affair.”
You withdraw from toxic friendships. You might feel isolated. But Allah ﷻ promises to spread His mercy and make your affairs easy. He’ll bring you the right people.
You just have to be patient enough to wait for them.
How to Actually Choose Friends (The Islamic Way)
Stop choosing friends based on how they make you feel. Start choosing them based on where they’re taking you.
Islamic teachings documented by scholars emphasize these friendship principles:
1. Choose friends who strengthen your relationship with Allah ﷻ, not weaken it. If being around someone makes you neglect prayer, consume haram content, or distance yourself from the Quran, they’re not your friend. They’re your test.
2. Choose friends who call you toward good and forbid you from evil. The Quran repeatedly emphasizes this concept of mutual encouragement toward righteousness among believers. Real friends correct you when you’re wrong. They don’t enable your destruction out of “not wanting to judge.”
3. Choose friends who will be your friends in Jannah—not just in this temporary life. The only friendships that last past death are the ones built on taqwa. Everyone else? According to Surah Az-Zukhruf (43:67) as discussed by Islamic scholars: “Close friends that Day will be enemies to one another, except for the righteous.”
4. Choose quality over quantity. You don’t need 50 friends. You need two or three who genuinely want Jannah for you as much as they want it for themselves.
5. Choose friends who push you, not people who enable you. The friend who says “It’s okay, everyone does it” is not your friend. The one who says “Come on, you’re better than this” might annoy you in the moment, but they’re saving your akhirah.
When Being Popular Means Compromising Your Deen
Here’s the ultimate question: Would you rather be popular with people or accepted by Allah ﷻ? Because often, you can’t have both.
Being popular requires you to be palatable. To not make waves. To go along with things even when they contradict what you believe. To laugh at jokes you find offensive. To stay silent when you should speak up. To participate in things you know are wrong because “everyone’s doing it.”
Being righteous requires you to be different. To stand out. To be the one who says “I’m not going” when everyone else is. To be mocked sometimes. To be misunderstood. To walk away from things that look fun but destroy your soul.
You can’t serve both masters. Eventually, you have to choose.
And if you choose popularity, you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling empty. Because deep down, you’ll know you sold your values for acceptance. You’ll know you became someone you don’t recognize just to fit in. You’ll know that when it mattered, you chose the approval of people who won’t even remember your name in ten years over the approval of the One who created you.
That’s not a trade worth making.
Three Friends You Need to Let Go of Right Now
If you’re serious about this, there are friends you need to distance yourself from. Not out of arrogance. Not because you think you’re better. But because your akhirah is on the line.
Friend one: The one who mocks your deen. Every time you try to grow, they make fun of you. “Why are you so religious now?” “You weren’t like this before.” “Relax, it’s not that serious.” They disguise it as jokes, but it’s poison. They’re terrified you’ll outgrow them, so they pull you back down. Let them go.
Friend two: The one who only calls you for haram. They never invite you to anything good. But when there’s a party with alcohol? You’re the first person they text. When they want to go somewhere inappropriate? They want you there. They’re not your friend—you’re their accomplice. Let them go.
Friend three: The one who drains you spiritually. After spending time with them, you always feel worse. More anxious. More doubtful. More distant from Allah ﷻ. They complain constantly. They backbite. They spread negativity. You can’t fix them, and they’re dragging you down. Let them go.
Letting go doesn’t mean being cruel. You can still be polite, respectful, kind when you see them. But you stop seeking out their company. You stop confiding in them. You stop letting them influence your decisions.
Because Islamic teachings make it clear: You can’t protect yourself from bad companionship while staying in bad company.
What to Do Right Now
This isn’t just information. This is a wake-up call. So here’s what you do today:
Step one: Open your phone. Go through your contacts and recent messages. Ask yourself honestly: “Is this person making me better or worse?” Not neutral. Better or worse. Because neutral eventually becomes worse.
Step two: Make du’a. According to Islamic tradition, ask Allah ﷻ: “Ya Allah, bring into my life friends who will take me to Jannah. Remove from my life anyone who will take me to Jahannam. Make it easy for me to recognize the difference.” Say this sincerely. Mean it.
Step three: Put yourself in spaces where righteous people are. Join a Quran study circle. Attend programs at the masjid. Be in environments where people are actually trying. You won’t find musk sellers in a blacksmith’s shop.
Step four: Be the friend you wish you had. Want someone who reminds you of Allah ﷻ? Remind others. Want someone who gives sincere advice? Give it first. You attract what you are.
Step five: Accept that this will be hard. You’ll lose people. You’ll feel alone sometimes. But remember what Allah ﷻ promised in Surah Al-Kahf: When you withdraw from bad company for His sake, He spreads His mercy and makes your affairs easy. Trust that.
The Question That Changes Everything
Let me end with the question that should haunt you in the best way possible:
If you died tomorrow, would your friends help you get to Jannah or would they be evidence against you?
Would they testify, “Yes, this person tried to be better”? Or would they say, “We used to do everything together—the good and the bad”?
Your friends are either your bridge to Jannah or your highway to Jahannam. There’s no middle ground.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave us the blueprint. The Quran gave us the warnings. The stories of righteous companions showed us it’s possible.
Now it’s your move.
You can keep collecting acquaintances, chasing popularity, compromising your values, and wondering why you feel empty. Or you can choose the lonely, difficult, beautiful path of choosing quality over quantity—of building friendships that will last beyond this life.
The people around you are shaping your eternity. Choose them like your Jannah depends on it. Because it does.
Disclaimer: This article is provided for general educational and informational purposes only. While every effort has been made to ensure accuracy in presenting Islamic teachings, readers are strongly advised to consult qualified Islamic scholars in their local area for specific religious rulings, detailed interpretations, and matters requiring expert guidance.
very interesting info ! .
Glad you found it interesting!
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