You’re lying on opposite sides of the bed again. The silence between you has become louder than any argument. You remember your wedding day—the duas, the hope, the promise that this union would be blessed. But now? The money comes in and disappears. The arguments never end. The respect has vanished. You’re living in the same house but feeling more alone than ever.
Here’s what both of you need to understand: Your marriage doesn’t have a compatibility problem. It has a barakah problem. And until both husband and wife identify and eliminate the destroyers—and fulfill their God-given responsibilities—things will only deteriorate.
This isn’t about blaming one spouse. This is about understanding that Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, gave each of you specific duties, and when either of you neglects them, the blessings drain away like water through a broken vessel.
The Foundation: What Islam Says About Marriage Responsibilities
Before we address what’s destroying your barakah, you need to understand the Islamic framework.
The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.” This is recorded in Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895, and Ibn Majah, Hadith 1977. Notice he didn’t say “the best of men” or “the best of women”—he said “the best of YOU.” Both spouses are accountable for how they treat each other.
Marriage in Islam is described as each spouse being garments for the other:
“They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.” (Quran 2:187)
Garments protect, cover, beautify, provide warmth, and hide flaws. Both of you are supposed to be doing this for each other. But right now, you’re tearing at each other instead of protecting each other. Let’s fix that.
Destroyer #1: Haram Income (Husband’s Primary Responsibility)
Husband, listen carefully. Your primary obligation is providing halal sustenance for your family. Not just any income—HALAL income.
When the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, warned about the man whose food, drink, and clothing are from haram sources and asked “How can his dua be answered?”—he was talking about the head of the household feeding his family from contaminated sources. This is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1015.
If your salary involves riba (working in conventional banking), selling haram products, fraud, bribery, or any form of deception—you’re not providing for your family, you’re poisoning them spiritually. Every meal your wife cooks with that money carries no barakah. Every bill you pay removes mercy instead of bringing it.
Your wife can be the most righteous woman, but if you’re feeding the household from haram, her duas for the family won’t be answered. The children will be disobedient. Peace will leave your home. Arguments will multiply. That’s not her fault—that’s YOUR responsibility you’re neglecting.
What you must do: Audit your income sources immediately. If anything is questionable, begin planning your exit. A smaller halal income with barakah is infinitely better than a large haram salary with curses attached.
Wife’s role in this: Support your husband in transitioning to halal income even if it means temporary financial difficulty. Don’t pressure him to maintain haram earnings for lifestyle purposes. Your dua for him matters—ask Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, to open doors of halal rizq for him.
Destroyer #2: Disrespecting In-Laws (Both Are Guilty)
This destroyer affects both of you equally, just in different ways.
Wife: When you complain about your in-laws constantly, refuse to visit them, speak disrespectfully about your mother-in-law, or make your husband choose between you and his parents—you’re cutting the ties of kinship. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Whoever severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” This is in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5984, and Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2556.
Your mother-in-law may be difficult. Your father-in-law may interfere. But they gave you your husband. Respect them for that. Maintain ties even when it’s hard. Your marriage will never have barakah while you’re cutting these essential bonds.
Husband: When you allow your parents to disrespect your wife, when you always side with them against her regardless of who’s right, when you don’t establish healthy boundaries, when you let your mother interfere in your bedroom decisions—you’re violating your wife’s rights. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” This is in Jami’ at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162.
Your parents deserve honor and respect. But your wife deserves protection and support. You can fulfill both without betraying either. Stand up for your wife when she’s wronged. Defend her dignity. Create boundaries with wisdom. That’s your responsibility as the head of your household.
What both must do: Communicate respectfully about in-law issues. Don’t badmouth each other’s families. Visit both sets of parents regularly. Make dua for all parents by name. Teach your children to respect both sides equally.
Destroyer #3: Abandoning Prayer (Either Spouse)
If you’re not praying together, you’re not building together. It’s that simple.
For both of you: The five daily prayers are the pillars holding up your entire life, including your marriage. When either spouse neglects salah, the barakah in the relationship collapses.
“And establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater.” (Quran 29:45)
Husband: You’re supposed to be leading your family spiritually. When you skip Fajr, delay prayers until the last minute, or pray only occasionally, you’re failing your most basic duty. How can you expect your wife to respect you when you don’t respect your obligation to Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He? How can you demand obedience when you’re being disobedient to your Creator?
Wife: Your prayers protect your home. When you pray regularly, you have patience with your husband’s flaws. Your duas for the family carry weight. But when you skip prayers for sleep, for work, for laziness—you lose that spiritual shield. The arguments multiply because you’ve lost the reset button that keeps your ego in check.
What both must do: Pray together whenever possible. Remind each other of prayer times without nagging. Pray for each other in your sujood. Make night prayer (tahajjud) a shared spiritual practice even if just once a week. The couple that prostrates together stays together.
Destroyer #4: The Poison of Comparison (Both Are Guilty)
Social media has made this destroyer more lethal than ever, and both of you are feeding the poison.
Husband: You scroll through Instagram seeing other women—colleagues’ wives who “maintain themselves,” friends’ wives who cook elaborate meals, influencers who look perfect. You start comparing your wife to them. “Why doesn’t she dress up like that anymore?” “Why doesn’t she cook like so-and-so?” You forget that your wife gave you children. She manages your home. She’s exhausted from serving you and the family. And instead of appreciating her, you’re comparing her to other women’s highlight reels.
Wife: You see your friend’s husband who bought her a new car. Your cousin’s husband who takes her on vacation. Your neighbor’s husband who has a bigger house. You start comparing your husband to them. “Why doesn’t he earn like that?” “Why doesn’t he do romantic things?” You forget that your husband works hard for the family. He’s dealing with pressures you don’t see. And instead of being grateful for what Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, gave you, you’re resenting what He didn’t.
The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, taught: “Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider as unimportant the favor of Allah.” This is in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2963.
What both must do: Delete apps that fuel comparison if necessary. Focus on improving YOUR marriage, not copying others’. Thank Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, specifically for your spouse’s qualities daily. Verbalize appreciation to each other regularly.
Destroyer #5: Intimacy Weaponized (Both Can Be Wrong)
This is the destroyer nobody wants to discuss, but it’s killing marriages silently.
Wife: When you use intimacy as a bargaining chip—”If you do this, then maybe,” “I’m not in the mood because you upset me last week,” “You don’t deserve it”—you’re violating your husband’s rights. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned about the consequences when a wife refuses her husband without valid reason. Intimacy in marriage is an act of worship, not a weapon. Your husband has rights over you in this area, and fulfilling them brings barakah to your entire home.
Husband: When you demand intimacy without emotional connection, gentleness, or consideration for your wife’s needs—when you treat her like an object for your gratification rather than a partner deserving of love and respect—you’re being oppressive. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” Being “best” includes being gentle, patient, and ensuring her satisfaction, not just your own.
Islam teaches that both spouses have rights and responsibilities in this area. When fulfilled with kindness, it brings enormous barakah. When violated, it creates resentment that poisons everything else.
What both must do: Communicate openly about needs without shame—Islam doesn’t make this topic taboo between spouses. Be generous with each other. Prioritize each other’s satisfaction. Make this area of marriage an act of mutual worship and mercy, not a battlefield.
Destroyer #6: Financial Deception (Both Can Be Guilty)
Money problems destroy marriages, but usually it’s not the lack of money—it’s the lack of honesty about money.
Husband: When you hide your spending, understate your income, keep secret accounts, or make major financial decisions without consulting your wife—you’re creating a foundation of distrust. Islam requires you to provide transparently. Your wife has a right to know the family’s financial situation.
Wife: When you secretly borrow money, hide online shopping, spend behind your husband’s back, or lie about prices—you’re betraying his trust. Yes, your earnings are yours in Islam, but the shared finances of the household require transparency. Your husband has a right to know where family money is going.
What both must do: Full financial transparency. Discuss major purchases together. Create a budget together. Be honest about debts, income, and expenses. Pray together for barakah in rizq. Remember that honesty brings blessing, while deception removes it completely.
Destroyer #7: Backbiting Your Spouse (Both Are Guilty)
The final destroyer is the one almost everyone does without realizing the spiritual devastation it causes.
Wife: You call your mother and complain about your husband. You text your friends about how annoying he is. You vent to your sisters about every little thing he does wrong. You think you’re just seeking support, but you’re actually destroying your marriage from the outside in. You’re humiliating your spouse publicly, creating negative perceptions that can never be fully erased, and driving away the mercy of Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He.
Husband: You joke about your wife to your friends. You complain about her to your colleagues. You share details about your marital problems with your parents. You’re violating her privacy and dignity. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, strongly condemned backbiting and described it as eating the flesh of your dead brother. When the person you’re backbiting is your spouse—the person you made sacred vows with—the sin is even greater.
Your spouse’s faults are amanah (a trust). You don’t broadcast them to family and friends. You address them privately with wisdom, or you stay silent.
What both must do: Delete all complaints about each other from phones and messages. Ask forgiveness from those you complained to. Change the narrative—speak well of your spouse publicly even when they’re not perfect. Make this a hard rule: What happens between us stays between us.
How to Restore Barakah: The Action Plan for Both
Here’s what BOTH of you must do starting today:
Husband’s Responsibilities:
- Ensure all income is 100% halal—audit immediately
- Provide financially according to your means without being stingy
- Lead family spiritually—pray consistently and encourage family prayer
- Treat your wife with kindness, gentleness, and respect
- Protect her from your family when necessary while honoring your parents
- Be honest about all financial matters
- Fulfill her physical and emotional needs with generosity
- Speak well of her to others
Wife’s Responsibilities:
- Manage the household with wisdom and care
- Respect your husband and his role as provider/protector
- Maintain prayer consistently—your duas protect the family
- Honor his parents even when difficult
- Be honest about household expenses and your own spending
- Fulfill his physical and emotional needs with willingness
- Support him in earning halal income even if it means less money
- Speak well of him to others
Shared Responsibilities:
- Pray together whenever possible
- Make dua for each other by name in sujood
- Practice daily gratitude—find three things to appreciate about each other
- Communicate openly without defensiveness
- Forgive quickly and don’t hold grudges
- Protect each other’s secrets and dignity
- Work together as a team, not as opponents
- Remember you’re both accountable to Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, for this marriage
The sun is about to rise. Make wudu together. Pray Fajr together. Then sit and have an honest conversation about which of these destroyers exist in your marriage. Make sincere tawbah together. Commit to fulfilling your respective responsibilities with excellence.
Your marriage isn’t dead. It’s just starved of blessings. Both of you must feed it with halal income, respect, prayer, gratitude, honesty, and loyalty. When both spouses fulfill their duties with ihsan (excellence), Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, fills that home with mercy, tranquility, and barakah that overflows into every aspect of life.
Stop blaming each other. Start building together. That’s what marriage in Islam is supposed to be.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational and spiritual reflection purposes based on Islamic teachings from the Quran and authentic hadiths. For specific religious rulings or personal marital issues, please consult with qualified Islamic scholars or marriage counselors.
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